Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Robin Williams 1951-2014


Man, you fuckers all talk about depression and at least many of you say you'll never understand which is true because the number of people that suffer from depression is a smaller percentage than you might think. The rest of the so-called depressed are just assholes.
The death of Robin Williams is upsetting and all the more heartbreaking because my best friend killed himself, in much the same way.
First, with the slow burn of addiction, then going out in a violent blaze of self inflicted glory. My best friend always told me that if he were to kill himself, he would take some deserving fuckers with him. So I am disappointed he didn't do that. There are a few out there amongst you right now that are lucky to be alive.

Depression is the new black. Everybody is talking about but yet, they aren't. Like, they are not TRULY talking about it. And people are just encouraged to carry on, keep working, keep it together, as their world becomes absolutely unmanageable. The difference between Robin Williams and my best friend is that I never met Robin Williams.

And the drugs, legal or not, they are candy for the addled and addicted, soothing the voice that tries to rob you of all your fun at personality gunpoint. Of course, it never works and you just fall deeper into the abyss, sometimes taking years, a lifetime, for others it doesn't take as long.
Mental illness of any kind does have a stigma, people don't know how to act around you and they don't know how to help you in any way and even if they did, the depressed person probably doesn't want the help, which is the nature of the depression.

The whole thing is shit and brings up a lot of sadness that I thought was long gone. I think it has something to do with power. When someone seems a bigger force, they don't seem as vulnerable, somehow, so when they take their own lives, it is shocking and shakes those that knew him, to the core. In the case of Robin Williams, we all felt we knew him, we grew up with his movies and his humour.  And it seems ill fitting for someone with such strength of character and judgement, to take their own lives. I have often heard people describe suicide as weak or selfish. People that say that haven't the faintest fucking idea about depression or what it can do to a person after years of battling it. Every time it re-surfaces it becomes more powerful, more destructive and the fight tires you out.

It is odd because I had prepared some writing to commemorate the 5th anniversary my friend's death and then I thought I had belaboured it enough, having written so much about him over the years. And the dates are really just a human number on a calendar and have nothing to do with spirit.

It is a struggle for those left behind but it is time for people to understand, that for the people that committed suicide, life was unbearable. It is not a selfish or hateful thing but rather a tragic, lonely and desperate thing. Do not judge those that chose this path, it is the only path they thought was available.

The fact that some of the most successful people in the World and some of the most marginalised members of society commit suicide because of depression, should teach us all a little about depression. As a disease, it is very egalitarian.

We will miss you Robin Williams.



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