Sunday, February 16, 2014

teh olympics

The Olympics rage on (more like creep) and I find myself more excited by the advertising than the olympic sports themselves. Except curling, which is the most riveting game I have seen in a while. These folks are a different breed. Their weapon of choice is a broom, they call those heavy things that slide on the ice rocks and the Norwegian team is wearing some absolutely ridiculous pants.
The dude that yells at the sweeping dudes and the rock thrower dude, really fucking yells at them. "Hurry hard!" and just "Hard!" What could be better than that?
It seems kind of colloquially Canadian in a way, too, as a sport. For the people that suck at hockey or just don't like hockey because it is a douche bag sport that attracts hordes of douche bags and if you don't believe me, go hang out at a stadium after a game lets out.

Yes, curling is the game of the people who just want to chill out and try and hit each other's rock with their rock on the ice. It is the game of people who still live in their hometowns and stay in touch with their high school friends. It is family in a way that figure skaters and hockey players will never know and can only dream of.
It is the everyman sport, the one thing in the Olympics that we think we could do, given a gruelling training regimen and some corporate and state funding.
Hell, we could probably do it after a few beer. I hear there are many curling clubs that started as 'beer leagues' and eventually went pro.
It is the stuff of small town legends. But then, who knew that Canada's latest and best figure skater would come out of Fort Saint John, of all places in the world a figure skater would come from? It turns out that the small, northern, British Columbia town has a formidable speed skating program, with a brand new, state of the art ice facility?

I always beat up on the Olympics for their corporate sponsored tyranny and their expropriation of public money, just to name but two of the many reasons I despise the corporeal-fascist machine that is the Olympics but I always fall in love with the athletes and their wondrous feats of human physical achievement.
I get sucked in to the danger and the stories of each athlete and let's face it, the networks do a terrific job of winding us all up and getting us to join the passion and the drama, whether we want or not.
I hear the argument for boycotting the Games and I also hear one against it.

I think it is better that the world has their eyes on Russia and all their anti-gay bullshit right now. If the Olympics weren't on, nobody would care. The same goes for Pussy Riot, the Arctic 30 and jailed oil tycoon, Mikhail Khodorkovsky, who were let out of prison with many others, just a few short weeks ago. Many classify all of the above as political prisoners.
They were given amnesty so that Coke and McDonalds wouldn't end up with any egg on their faces. After all, there are some pretty sweet endorsements to be had and nobody wants discomfort about human rights at the Olympics.
I guess I won't mention the shootings of stray dogs and the captive cetaceans...

Canada places 4th in the medal count. May the best athletes prevail and may the Motherland find peace.

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