What am I gonna do now? Drink fucking green tea? I don't even like tea, never mind that crap. Sometimes being healthy just goes too far. Green tea is for, like, old Asian people and hippies. The way they kind of wrap both hands around the cup as if they were cradling a child or comforting a friend. Green tea is not a friend. Let's get that straight. Friends do things for you. And what the fuck has green tea done for anyone lately? Okay, so there is rumors that it fights cancer causing free radicals... So what? I knew you were gonna say that.
Coffee is a nice thick brew, rich and flavorful. And there are so many options. There are like a million different ways you can drink coffee. Hell, you can even mix it with whiskey or any number of alcoholic beverages, if that is what you are into. They have even begun to mix it with beer. How could it get much better than that, I ask you? The two best things in the world, mixed together? That would be like Jack White joining the Flaming Lips.