Sunday, August 23, 2009

sunday driver

Dear illustrious bicycle riders of Vancouver...
We rode our bikes along the seawall today. It was one of those days that makes you feel so alive, with all the surrounding beauty that this city has to offer, if you pull your head out of your ass long enough to enjoy it. There are far too many cyclists in this great city that have turned cycling into a war against pedestrians, or cars, or other cyclists who don't ride as fast as they do. Seriously, people, it is a sunny sunday, there are like a million people on the seawall, eating fucking ice cream cones and ho-dogs and all of you ride along, with that dour look of contempt. 
Are we in a bike race? Are we rushing to the hospital with a ruptured spleen? Are we so self involved that we fail to see that other people in the world are not as fit, young, hot, sexy, narcissistic as we are? 
I can feel your beady little eyes drilling into the back of my head, I can hear your dinging little fucking bell, I can see you shake your head from side to side as you deem me unfit to ride on YOUR path. 
It is no wonder everyone thinks cyclists are assholes, because they are. At least you are. If you want to ride your bike fast and act cool and basically just act like an asshole, then go somewhere you know half the population of this city won't be. ie; any of the lesser populated areas, like richmond, north Van, or ride back and forth in your coveted bike lane on the Burrard street bridge that you incessantly whined about for like 10 years.
I have ridden my bike approximately 30,000 km. in the last 15 years, so I have a bit of experience with bikes. Probably more than you, Kitsilano, Yaletown, self righteous "one less bike" sticker, poseur, douchebags. 
The next one of you that yells, "bike lane" as I am pulled over to take a drink or to drink in the beauty of the surroundings, is gonna need to get a "one less rider" sticker for their bikes. 
You are lame and you are embarrassing yourself. Please take off your blinders and join the rest of the world. It will be fun and you may learn something. I know your therapist tells you so, but it isn't all about you. Okay? Smarten up.  

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